I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
