dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
