Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
