nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
