my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
