Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
