I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
