I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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