i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
