Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
