highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
