I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Found the puke drawer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
