OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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