my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
