I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
