Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
