yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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