we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm really busy with my period
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