I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
