Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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