Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
