and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
