Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
