I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why can't burritos get me drunk
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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