Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
