He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
