His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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