this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
