That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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