Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
