Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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