ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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