Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
