I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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