what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
