is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
