in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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