party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
