Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
