Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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