Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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