Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
