My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
