As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
