this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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