two words: eviction party
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
