he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
