I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
