did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
