my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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