why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
