How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
